| We all knew them when we were growing up. It | | | | or any spiritual word you prefer. See if it doesn't help |
| seems every school or every community had at least | | | | to protect you from feeling overwhelmed. Also |
| one bully. The problem is that most of us still have to | | | | visualize all of the anger spilling off your shield of light |
| deal with them at work or as our customers, our | | | | that you wrapped yourself in. When he or she is |
| bosses or our vendors. | | | | done yelling or demanding, do what you can to |
| Somewhere You've Had to Deal with a Bully | | | | resolve the situation amicably. Don't argue. Don't |
| If you've any length of work experience, you've had | | | | shout back. Even when your stomach is in knots, |
| at least one boss who was a bully. If you are in | | | | stay as calm as you can. If that doesn't work, then |
| sales, you've encountered them as customers. If | | | | walk away. |
| you're a small business owner, you may have felt the | | | | When I Had Enough, I Walked Away |
| abusive actions of a vendor. Sometimes they are | | | | My vacation was to start the day after I got the |
| normally nice people who are so frustrated with your | | | | check - Hugo made it clear that he didn't care. I |
| company's policies they lash out. But others bully | | | | wasn't to leave this job until he released me. I |
| people as a normal course of dealing with others | | | | already knew that this client was as much a Type A |
| because they enjoy the power game. | | | | personality as my boss. He'd budged as far as he |
| I never felt comfortable that I knew how to handle | | | | was going to when he gave me the check to pay |
| bullies. Then I read Seth Godin's blog for January 28, | | | | expenses. He told me he wouldn't pay more until he |
| 2009. It rang true. In a few paragraphs, he clearly | | | | had time to fully review what we'd done against |
| defined bullies and then stated how to handle them. | | | | what he expected - which I told him up front we |
| In essence, "A bully is someone who uses physical or | | | | couldn't do but he went ahead anyway based on |
| psychological force to demean and demoralize | | | | what the consulting team told him could be done. He |
| someone else. A bully isn't challenging your ideas, or | | | | made it clear he wouldn't have time to do that |
| working with you to find a better outcome." Godin's | | | | review for several weeks. I finally had enough. I left, |
| solution is captured by the title, "Take the ball and go | | | | overnighting all of the paperwork and cashier's check |
| home." | | | | to the office, and headed for the airport. |
| My Experience with an Intimidating, Bullying Boss | | | | Finding the Strength to Stay Centered in Love |
| This reminded me of a situation I had when I was a | | | | Strengthens Your Self-Respect |
| consultant. My boss, Hugo, not his real name, was the | | | | Whatever the consequences for standing up for |
| most pleasant person when everything was going | | | | myself, it was worth it to regain my self-respect. I |
| right. But when a client bulked about continuing a | | | | don't like brutalizing people any more than I like being |
| project or about paying for services despite his | | | | brutalized. This is a game for people who have a |
| unresolved complaint, Hugo would verbally abuse me | | | | strong need to exercise power instead of love. In |
| to intimidate me into going back to the client and | | | | my experience, it often takes more internal strength |
| sitting in front of our client's office until he paid me. | | | | and guts to maintain a position of love than to |
| On this one occasion, I even had to deal with the | | | | intimidate, brow beat, or otherwise try to dominate. |
| sheriff. As I had a legal contract, the sheriff didn't do | | | | Power Is Win-Lose While Love Leads to Win-Win |
| anything but point out that we should take our client | | | | So when you find yourself dealing with a bully, chant |
| to court because it was obvious he wasn't going to | | | | a word or sound that's relaxing to you; in your |
| pay anything further. Actually, I did finally get some | | | | imagination watch the other person's negative attack |
| token payment based on what Hugo told me to tell | | | | just wash off your shield of light; then do your best |
| the client. Then, once I had that check in hand, he | | | | to do whatever needs to be done. Avoid resorting to |
| wanted me to go back and start pressuring the client | | | | power games yourself. Fill yourself with feelings of |
| for more. | | | | love as best you can. When all else fails, walk away. |
| Techniques You Can Use to Maintain Your Serenity | | | | Love seeks win-win approach so you might even |
| When you find yourself is a similar situation, the first | | | | develop a friendship. |
| thing do is keep yourself neutral while listening to the | | | | P.S. If you want to read it, here's the link to Seth |
| other person. I find singing a spiritual word over and | | | | Godin's blog. |
| over helps me. Try Hu, Om, Ah-men (Amen), Allah, | | | | |