| To begin with, actually doing this can be a daunting | | | | The problem was that Mama didn’t really |
| task if you try to predetermine every item. In fact, | | | | remember that the bed had been in Jane’s |
| many who have tried later find that after making an | | | | room in earlier years. The girls had been away from |
| attempt to do this, they determined it could never | | | | home for more than twenty years, and she had |
| be done in reality. Also, often the most insignificant | | | | turned that room into the guest room. She had come |
| items can cause disputes, not larger or more valuable | | | | to think of that bed as just the bed in the guest |
| items. The following story may best illustrate this | | | | room. In this manner, Mama may actually have |
| point. (This is a true story but names have been | | | | caused conflict instead of prevented it. |
| changed.): | | | | Here is a plan that might be helpful if you are |
| Let’s say Mrs. Thomas has four daughters: | | | | approaching a move or planning to downsize. |
| Sally, Jane, Beth and Ann. Twenty years after the | | | | Consider having all of your children come for a meal |
| girls have all left home and married, Mama decides to | | | | together without spouses and children. (NOTE: Most |
| take care of estate matters and begins to designate | | | | attorneys agree that 75% of the problems that arise |
| certain items to go to her individual daughters, with | | | | during estate settlements are brought on by spouses |
| the well-meaning purpose of preventing arguments | | | | and children of the heirs, not the immediate heirs |
| among them later. She designates an antique bed in | | | | themselves). During the meal, discuss the pending |
| the guest room for Sally and a special dresser of | | | | move and then announce that you wish to let some |
| equal value for Jane (and so forth). | | | | things go rather than move them all to the new but |
| After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come | | | | smaller dwelling. Ahead of time, mark the pieces that |
| together to settle the estate and divide up the | | | | you are making available with a sticker. Then after |
| furniture and household goods, etc. At some point in | | | | the meal, have your children go through the house |
| the process, Jane discovers that her mother has | | | | and put their initial on the sticker if they are |
| given her bed to Sally. Jane loved that bed | | | | interested in having an item. If more than one initial it, |
| and it was in her room all through the years when | | | | decide on a method for determining who gets it, (roll |
| she was growing up. She is sure this must be a | | | | the dice, draw a card, flip a coin, etc.). |
| mistake. Sally is delighted because she loves the bed | | | | Since many go through this process of |
| too and thinks it will be perfect for her | | | | downsizing or moving to a new area later in |
| daughter’s room. Since Sally’s daughter | | | | life, this might be a good way to deal with the initial |
| is the only granddaughter, she is certain that is | | | | phase of this division process. Also, while going |
| why Mama gave it to her . . . | | | | through it, parents could see trouble spots among |
| Well, you know the rest of the story. It happens | | | | their children (heirs) that might be dealt with in order |
| over and over, innocently, but feelings get hurt and | | | | to help avoid problems later. |
| resentments last a long time — often forever. | | | | |