The 13 Things Churches Do to Plan to Stagnate (A Satire and a PS)

"The economy is down."Doing - These guys in S. Barrington, Lake Forest,
"The economy is up."Dallas and Alpharetta do not have to deal with the
"Who knows where the economy is going to go?"real world of economic downturns so why should you
"Whatever is happening out there I am just going tolook to any successes they might be developing.
wait it out."Besides, they will be there after you get done playing
Amid others, these statements are the kind ofto the naysayers.
quotes made literally or figuratively by senior pastors7. Assume Technology Can Wait - One of the things
around the country. These are good people who arethat happens is when things turn downward Bill Gates
setting in place stagnation for the churches theyand Steve Jobs go on really long vacations. In the
serve. No pastor would ever say that they aresame way certainly nothing of any value to the
planning to stagnate the greatest mission on thechurch will come down the pike while the church sits
planet to which they have been entrusted. However,tight. Besides that you have made it into the 90s in
that is exactly what is happening in far too manytechnology. Maybe you can get into the 00s when
churches.everything improves.
To state the obvious, the 13 things are purely satire.8. Maintain the Status Quo - You know that a lot of
Read them that way. I will say that many of thechurches are declining and that if you have a 25%
things I list below I have actually seen or heard inattrition rate, actually you have to grow by 25% to
churches across the country. It is a sad commentarystay level. So do not feel so bad if you don't plan to
on the leadership of those churches. As the seniorimprove your total number over last year because
leader of the church you serve I implore you to doyou grew anyway. Math always was your strong suit.
everything you can to prevent church stagnation. Do9. Just Get By - You know as the senior pastor that
not PLAN to stagnate.there is a level of superior excellence, and then there
However, if you insist on stagnating, staying flat, oris a level that is acceptable to most people. Live with
maybe even moving a few people out of the seatsthe acceptable. You can get by and you should.
and parking spaces, I encourage you to follow one or10. Tolerate Stuff - You were so legalistic and such a
more of the 13 things to successful stagnation.stickler for detail when the church was growing and
1. Wait & See - With the economy in the tank,developing momentum. Ease up. Remember God is a
coming out of the tank, going further into the tank,God of grace so during this tough time you can
pick your poison; I recommend you wait and seetolerate stuff. Nobody will really notice that you are
before you do anything to advance the Gospel.not performing at the top of your game. Tolerate.
Certainly something uncertain will pop up and you had11. Stop Thinking of New Approaches to Ministry -
better wait and see before moving forward withFor goodness sakes, we are in a downturn. Why in
plans to reach more people for Jesus.the world would you try to think of new ways to
2. Make an Idle Plan - This is sure to keep the churchreach people with the Gospel? Stick with the tried
board and leadership convinced that you actually areand true. If that does not work, you have to know
trying to move the church forward. You do not evenGod is not ignorant of what is going on down here.
have to be excited about this plan. Just put one12. Allow Your Core Values to Lapse - Core values
together that you can tout as being "the plan" andare critical to steering the ship, certainly in the
then do nothing with it. Works every time!beginning. Now, however, you are facing
3. Sit Back & Coast - You have had some goodunprecedented times so you can let these values
momentum and that is sure to last you during anylapse for just a bit. You know down deep you will
uncertain times. Besides that you deserve a break. Itcome back to them, but now is the time to operate
will do you no good to forge ahead so sit back andwith a different set of values.
coast. Rest. It will be good for you. Maybe even for13. Circle the Wagons - Bill, Rick, Ed and Andy can do
the church. They deserve a break today!the heavy lifting. It is time for you to retrench and
4. Play to the Naysayers - You have a good numberprevent any mistakes. Don't take on any water.
of very smart analytical people in the church youMake sure no one on the outside gets in. Just take
serve. These folks were invaluable to you during Y2Kcare of those on the inside. Evangelism and missions
and now you should really listen to them. Play it safewill return when the risk is less. That is good
and don't make any mistakes. Something is going tostewardship of your resources.
go wrong. Plan on it!So there you have it, the 13 things you can do to
5. Focus on the Short Term - Forget the long-term.stagnate the church you serve. Can't wait to see
In the good times, you had the luxury of planningwhat that formerly great church you have been
ahead but now, forget it. Think only about nextcalled to serve looks like after you implement one or
Sunday and maybe next month if you have to.more of these 13.
Besides that short-term gains, if they are to be had,Good luck!
are the only things that count.P.S. Put a "Don't" in front of all 13 things and see
6. Forget About What Bill, Rick, Ed & Andy Arewhat that does.